“Now Jesus was deeply troubled, and he exclaimed, “I tell you the truth, one of you will betray me!”
There are many times in the Gospel of John, that we learn that Jesus is deeply troubled in His Spirit. In the Greek, the word ‘troubled’ is described as a strong emotion of agony. The same description of Jesus was used when his friend Lazarus had died, and Jesus was in deep grief. Jesus was in deep agony over knowing He would be betrayed and all that He knew He would endure leading up to Him dying on the cross.
“The disciples looked at each other, wondering whom he could mean. The disciple Jesus loved was sitting next to Jesus at the table. Simon Peter motioned to him to ask, “Who’s he talking about?” So that disciple leaned over to Jesus and asked, “Lord, who is it?” Jesus responded, “It is the one to whom I give the bread I dip in the bowl.” And when he had dipped it, he gave it to Judas, son of Simon Iscariot. When Judas had eaten the bread, Satan entered into him.”
I think it’s key for us to recognize that, initially, the disciples had no idea who it was that Jesus was talking about, who would betray Him. The inner battle that goes on in all of us - between our fleshly desires and the call to surrender to the Holy Spirit – is often masked on the outside, where people we’re even in close proximity with can be oblivious to the root of what’s really going on in us. Satan is conniving and deceptive in his ways - making us want to hide and cover up what our real struggle is. His approach is quite the opposite of God’s, in that God desires for us to expose our struggle to Him and to others, so that they can help us walk through it and so He can heal the root of the problem.
“Then Jesus told him, “Hurry and do what you’re going to do.” None of the others at the table knew what Jesus meant. Since Judas was their treasurer, some thought Jesus was telling him to go and pay for the food or to give some money to the poor. So Judas left at once, going out into the night.”
Judas allowed his fleshly desires to win, selling out Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. Forever he is marked as the betrayer from within the twelve; a man eventually so tormented by his actions that he would resolve to take his own life. The pain of such deep tragedy all around began with a choice of thinking an alternative way to God’s, would somehow be the better way. It really brings us full circle to what took place in the Garden of Eden… the decline of all humanity, as Adam and Eve fell into sin, choosing a way other than God’s best for them. And so began the torment of deep hardship and affliction of a soul separated from its Creator.
This section of Scripture really has me thinking of how prone each one of us are to betraying the love and grace of a Father, the deep love of Jesus who brings Salvation, and the Spirit that He gave us to live by. How have we betrayed God? Where have we lacked surrender to His ways and purposes that He has for us? What are we keeping hidden from Him that satan is using to keep us from seeing the Truth?
Thank goodness, we have a God who we can come to with everything. A God who welcomes a repented heart, and who responds to those who cry out to Him with how much they need Him. May today be a day of reflection. A day where our eyes are opened to the Truth of how much we need Him. A day where we ask the Holy Spirit to search out our heart and reveal to us any area that we’ve tried to hide from Him. May today be a day of surrender. May we be women bold enough to come before His throne of Grace and expose our whole selves to Him.
Scripture: John 13:21-20
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